One of those nights

I can't sleep.  My brain just won't shut off.  I don't feel like myself.  In fact, I haven't felt like myself in a while.  I'm in a funk.  Every time I think of all the responsibilities I have (which really aren't that many), I just shut down and stop doing anything and everything.  Then the list of tasks just gets longer and harder and I want to kick myself for shutting down.  I am the Family Readiness Group Leader for my husband's unit.  This is the most frustrating thing ever.  I want to just quit but for some reason, I feel I need to keep doing it for fear it might reflect poorly on Hans.  Of course, he says it won't, but I keep worrying about it.  After the big christmas party I was in charge of putting together, I had a nice break from even thinking about the FRG.  However, it's come time to face it again.  There will be meetings, fundraisers, events, and more meetings coming up in the near future.  I suppose if I didn't have two young children and a life, I could handle it.  Another problem is having to deal with the military.  Don't get me wrong, I love being a wife of a soldier and I appreciate the military very much.  However, I don't always appreciate all the people in the military.  You get all kinds of people to deal with.  It actually makes me appreciate my husband for being sane.  I think this has proven to be the hardest task for me...dealing with certain people through my volunteer position.  Yeah, that's right, it's a volunteer position but yet it's so stressful I feel like poking my eyes out every time I think about dealing with it.  There's my reason one for not being able to sleep these days.

On top of the stresses of FRG, I'm trying to lose weight.  This has always seemed to be a losing battle with me.  I'll be good for awhile, I might even lose up to thirty pounds, but I always gain it back.  I exercise all the time, I just don't watch what I eat.  I don't like the feeling of having to deprive myself of good food.  I live to over indulge I suppose.  I eat too much.  That's my problem.  Portion control.  You would think that since I can identify my problem, I'd be able to fix it.  Well, I can't seem to master my will power.  I have done really well for the last two weeks.  In fact, I lost 12 pounds within those two weeks.  But, I've hit a plateau and I just want to make sure not to give up.  Whenever there is stress in my life, I tend to find food as a comfort.  This FRG stuff is proven to be a real test for me not to give into my habit of grabbing for food during stress.  I would like to devote all my energy into regaining a healthy lifestyle, but with everything else going on, it's hard to focus just on that.  I can't seem to find a balance in life.

When two of my dearest friends moved away from here, it was really difficult.  Things still haven't been the same.  I need someone I can call every day in the morning just to say hello.  Even if we weren't hanging out that day, I would still talk to both of them on the phone at least once a day.  They felt and still feel like sisters to me.  They are there for me no matter what.  I really wish they were here right about now to encourage me or at least be the sound of reason when I go through these torrents of  self-pitty.

Well, I suppose tomorrow is another day.  I did find out some great news today.  My brother Jess and his wife will be coming out in October.  Yeah!  That should be fun.  Ok, enough of my drama.  I hope you all have a better week than me.

Lindsey