Wednesday, January 19, 2011

One of those nights

I can't sleep.  My brain just won't shut off.  I don't feel like myself.  In fact, I haven't felt like myself in a while.  I'm in a funk.  Every time I think of all the responsibilities I have (which really aren't that many), I just shut down and stop doing anything and everything.  Then the list of tasks just gets longer and harder and I want to kick myself for shutting down.  I am the Family Readiness Group Leader for my husband's unit.  This is the most frustrating thing ever.  I want to just quit but for some reason, I feel I need to keep doing it for fear it might reflect poorly on Hans.  Of course, he says it won't, but I keep worrying about it.  After the big christmas party I was in charge of putting together, I had a nice break from even thinking about the FRG.  However, it's come time to face it again.  There will be meetings, fundraisers, events, and more meetings coming up in the near future.  I suppose if I didn't have two young children and a life, I could handle it.  Another problem is having to deal with the military.  Don't get me wrong, I love being a wife of a soldier and I appreciate the military very much.  However, I don't always appreciate all the people in the military.  You get all kinds of people to deal with.  It actually makes me appreciate my husband for being sane.  I think this has proven to be the hardest task for me...dealing with certain people through my volunteer position.  Yeah, that's right, it's a volunteer position but yet it's so stressful I feel like poking my eyes out every time I think about dealing with it.  There's my reason one for not being able to sleep these days.

On top of the stresses of FRG, I'm trying to lose weight.  This has always seemed to be a losing battle with me.  I'll be good for awhile, I might even lose up to thirty pounds, but I always gain it back.  I exercise all the time, I just don't watch what I eat.  I don't like the feeling of having to deprive myself of good food.  I live to over indulge I suppose.  I eat too much.  That's my problem.  Portion control.  You would think that since I can identify my problem, I'd be able to fix it.  Well, I can't seem to master my will power.  I have done really well for the last two weeks.  In fact, I lost 12 pounds within those two weeks.  But, I've hit a plateau and I just want to make sure not to give up.  Whenever there is stress in my life, I tend to find food as a comfort.  This FRG stuff is proven to be a real test for me not to give into my habit of grabbing for food during stress.  I would like to devote all my energy into regaining a healthy lifestyle, but with everything else going on, it's hard to focus just on that.  I can't seem to find a balance in life.

When two of my dearest friends moved away from here, it was really difficult.  Things still haven't been the same.  I need someone I can call every day in the morning just to say hello.  Even if we weren't hanging out that day, I would still talk to both of them on the phone at least once a day.  They felt and still feel like sisters to me.  They are there for me no matter what.  I really wish they were here right about now to encourage me or at least be the sound of reason when I go through these torrents of  self-pitty.

Well, I suppose tomorrow is another day.  I did find out some great news today.  My brother Jess and his wife will be coming out in October.  Yeah!  That should be fun.  Ok, enough of my drama.  I hope you all have a better week than me.


Sunday, January 09, 2011

Out of the mouth of Babes

Hans asked Gabe to say the family prayer tonight.  This is what Gabe said in his prayer:

"Heavenly Father, thank you for batman smells, Robin laid an egg, Bat mobile lost its wheel, and Joker got away.  Amen."

So, Hans asked him to say another besides just that.  This is how his next prayer went:

"Heavenly Father, thank you that we could watch Batman and Robin again and again and again.  Amen"

I guess it was my mistake in finding the old school Batman videos at the library the other day.  We've been letting Eva and Gabe watch the episodes and I have to admit, it's been kind of a nice weekend because they have left us alone for the most part.  We did take advantage of the nice weather on Saturday, but after we came back inside, that's all they wanted to do.  Who am I to stop a love affair? :)

Monday, January 03, 2011

Happy New Year

 I'm a little slow at getting my Christmas post up.  It's been one of those lazy couple of weeks where you just can't seem to find the energy to do anything, including post on the blog.  Not to mention my hubby got my season six of Grey's Anatomy so that was pretty much all I did for the week after Christmas. :)  Anyway, you are probably wondering why Eva is in a swimming suit on Christmas morning.  I am wondering that myself.  She's a weird one sometimes.  We didn't want the kids to come out and see the tree until we were all ready.  So, while I was getting dressed, Eva decided she wanted to have a "swimming party".  She LOVES wearing her suit.  Maybe it makes her feel like it's summer.  :)  I should give it a try sometime.  These winters last too long.
Gabe decided to wear the top of his halloween costume, which is of Peter Pan.  He left the bottoms off of course, but at least he has underwear on.   Those two kids are a really odd pair.

Christmas was really nice.  We went over to my cousin Renee's house for Christmas Eve dinner as well as lunch on Christmas day.  After that, we headed down to my friend Lisa's house for Christmas dinner and to have a family sleepover.  It was nice to be around close friends.  Christmas is hard when you're clear across an ocean from your family, but when you have friends that feel as close as family, it helps.

New Years Eve was also a nice night.  We headed to our friend's house the Thorne's.  There were a few other families there.  I love games, so it's always nice when you get together with friends for games.  They had a really cool dance game on their Xbox connect (I'm not sure if that's what it's called.  It's the one without a remote.  It just picks up your movements with a sensor).  I didn't realize I was such a good dancer. :)

New Years day was very quite and relaxing.  We hung out at home all day and in the evening headed over to another friend's house the Davies' to play games again.  All and all, it was a wonderful couple of weeks.  Nice and relaxing.  It's always good to get back to normal though.  Hans started back to full days of work today, Eva will be going back to German Kindergarten tomorrow, and Gabe will have preschool in the morning.  I'm kind of relieved to get back to some kind of routine.

I have decided to set a few goals for this year.  One of them is to be more spiritual.  I have decided to take the challenge of reading the Book of Mormon from front to back by Easter.  I think that will be a nice way to jump start some spirituality in my life.  Wish me luck!